It is going to be very difficult to try to start at the beginning and tell each what has happened so far! God has done too much and truthfully I do not KNOW where to begin but I will do my best.

It all started for me in May of 2005. That was when I FIRST actually noticed Sam as more than just someone I knew of from church. It was at the ATI Conference in Big Sandy Tx. Our families had rooms right across from each other and during the week we would walk back and forth from our dorm rooms together after the sessions. It was then that I started seeing he had a different heart from most young men I knew. I began to admire him for his heart that was seeking to follow the Lord and I remember thinking that he was a godly man and wondering if we would be friends after this at church instead of, "Oh yeah I know who Sam Shepherd is," type of thing.

At that time I was going through a rough time in my life. The Lord was really dealing with me in a lot of areas and trying to open my eyes to things in my life that were not right with him. For the next few months I went through so much. I struggled with even knowing if God even cared about me. I felt dry and distant form Him simply becasue I was holding back different areas in my life from him. I gave things up to the Lord with strings still atatched, so I wasn't really even ever giving them up!

In August 2005 I had the oppurtunity to go on a mission trip to Mexico with a group from church and it was then that I really began to draw closer to the Lord. I should mention that Sam also went on that trip! :) "Important fact there!" During this trip Sam and I were on the same team together. All week long I was able to observe him, his tender servants heart, his gentleness, his humility, his real and godly charatcer! I don't know how many times over and over again I saw him respond in a good way and handle bad situations that happened in a positive way; in a way the the Lord would respond!! More than once I saw God do miracles for him! By the end of the week I was starting to struggle with keeping my heart in check and not wondering if Sam could ever be something more to me. Something inside wanted to get to know him more!

A few weeks after I got home I knew I had to talk to Dad. For one, always before when I had ever struggled about a younbg man I was able to pray and and seek the Lord and He would take those thoughts away but it simply was not happening. For two, I had spent many nights over that past week or so laying in bed not able to sleep and crying until I did, begging the Lord to help me. It only seemed that the more I prayed the more I struggled! It seemed to make things worse! So one Sunday afternoon Dad and I were laying in my room talking together and I threw out the question, "Dad, if you were a godly young man what things would you look for in a wife." That started the converstaion and he threw back the question of what I could look for in a husband. As I started naming off afew things I suddenly stopped and teared up realizing that everything I was saying I saw in Sam! Dad looked at me, very serious and said, "You mean someone like Sam." I know my mouth dropped open about a foot! :) I came to find out Dad had been praying about Sam for a while now! I couldn't believe it! The more I opened up and talked about what I was feeling the more excited my Dad became! I look back on that day and smile now! I remember my hands were shaking like crazy and tears were running down my face and I said, "Oh great, now knowing that really helped me a lot!" I felt like the struggle only got deeper!

Well, my Dad getting excited went to Guy Shepherd, Sam's older brother, one sunday about two months later and told him of my feelings for Sam. Mr. Shepherd, Sam's Dad, passed away when Sam was 8 yrs old and Guy is about 20 yrs older than Sam and is almost like his Dad. Guy told Dad that he appriciated Dad telling him and that he was NOT going to tell Sam. If this was real then God would place me on Sam's heart without his knowledge that I was having feelings for him. When Dad told me that he had talked to Guy I was very embarassed. I didn't know Guy that well and everytime I saw him now I felt mbarrassed or intimadated or something! :) Over the next few months I saw Sam several times a week. I was working at church as front receptionist and with Character First and Wednsday night classes and orchestra and everything I saw him often. Not to mention all the ministry oppurtunities in our church that we did together. I noticed that he would come in my office and want to talk and would hang around and watch me and something inside began to pray harder for what God could be doing! Little did I know exactly all that was going on inside Sam. What he was really thinking and feeling as well! I had no honest clue that the Lord had placed me on His heart and that it was only growing each time that he saw me!

On March 4rd of 2006 Sam and Dad met at Braums and Sam told my Dad what he was feeling towards me. That weekend I was at my cousin Samanatha's house and I was completely and totaly unknowing of what was going on at home while I was gone! It was then that Dad told Sam that I had been struggling with my feelings towards him since the Mexico trip last year. That was just one conformation that God WAS the one in charge here! When Mom came the next day after church to pick me up from Samantha's house in Skiatook I noticed she was acting strange, just in the way she was talking mainly. That night after we got home I was in my room laughing and messing around with my sisters and she came in and started saying things like, "You had better really build relationships now with your sisters, you never know how long you will have here with them," and "You never know when a young man could come to your Dad, you know, asking about you." A flag went up in my mind at all that! Mom has never ever said anything like that before in that way. She always encouraged me not to focus on things like that and to keep my focus on serving God while I was single to do so! I have to admit my curiousity and intuision, I guess, was telling me that something had happened or was up. I just wasn't possitive of what. That week I found out what happened that Saturday I was gone and I will never forget the shaking hadns, the pounding heart in my chest, and the bees in my stomach that were buzzing around!!! I could not get over the fact that God would allow this to happen to ME! I was not expecting it, not in a million years! I was one of those people that just knew it would be a good 10 years before anything like this ever happened to me! I mean, that was the way it was with my older sister and really, why would God allow it to happen to me first! I didn't feel ready for a young man to come into my life but I know now for SURE that God knew JUST what He was doing!!!

........more to come!

I have decided I do not want any single detail to be left out! This is God's story that He is writting and it is the most exciting story I could EVER tell! When God has the pen of your life and he writes the chapters page by page it is much more beautiful than I could EVER dream, imagine, hope for or believe could possibly happen!!! This blog is completely for Sam and my story; little by litte as God keeps blessing us and writting each sentance!!!
"No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him!"