Do you ever look forward to something so much that the minutes literally seem like years? Yes? Well, good then you know how I am feeling right now! :)

I have been in this mood of, "Lord speed up the time! Lord I don't mean to complain but could you speed up the time? Lord, if you are trying to teach me something through this year long day will you hurry!" lol :)

Yes, Sam is coming home tonight! Tomorrow is his Friday of the month off and so we are going to have a four day weekend together! A blessing that is VERY unusual for us! That and the fact we are going to get to see each other two weekends in a row!! Okay so I shouldn't be grumbling to the Lord, I know!

I have NOTHING in the world to complain about when I have been blessed far above and beyond what I deserve! Sam alone is the most monstrous blessing in the world and look at all the icing the Lord is putting on top of that!

Anyways it is only about 10 hours to go! That is nothing when I usually wait two weeks! :) Okay so, "Thank you Lord!" :)

I can not wait to see how the Lord is going to bless this weekend! I feel like he is going to give us a better one than we had even last weekend and it was awesome as it was! :) God is good to give Sam and I a deep relationship and friendship! I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything in the whole wide world! I can honestly say he is my best friend an that is the foundation of a strong marriage anyway! :) Why would I even want to think about loosing that!

I love you Samuel! May God bless you in ways you could never dream! He is going to take your breath away from you! I know it! :)

Girls, are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples up top think something wrong with them when in reality they're amazing!!! They just have to wait for the right man to come along: the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree!!!

I love you Samuel! You are an amazing man, a godly man, a man I am so excited about getting to love and serve and honor and live the rest of my life with! Thank you Lord for Sam! For the man he is and the man you have made him! You are so good to me to bless me with someone like him!

Whew can God really work a person over to get them where He wants them to be! He has used circumstances and rough times in my life to bring me to a closer reveling off himself and even hit me on the head at times with a 2x4! :) I think that Debbie's death as hit me hard in more ways than one. I felt a mixed emotional at her funeral and I came away drained emotionally and physically but encouraged and ready to go Spiritual! It was seriously the most wonderful, God praising and celebrating funerals I have ever been too! Maybe that does sound silly to say since it was a funeral but honestly! We laughed, we cried, we clapped, we sang, we laughed and cried some more! Everyone said of Debbie, "She had a big smile and blazes eyes in everything she did!" That was the honest truth! On my way home Monday evening I could feel God sweeping over me and I couldn't stop the tears. It is a feeling that is hard to explain. That feeling where you just want to get on board God's boat no matter what you gotta do to get there! It made me want to know Him more! All that I can! Grow in him, drown in Him, blossom and bloom in HIM! I never seem to be able to do that enough! To know him enough! I know to that I can never be the wife that Sam is going to need and deserve it I don't have that #1 passion for God and truly love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! If I am not completely sold out and madly in love with God! Our marriage will never work if I am not! I will be a failing wife and our marriage is going to have rotten roots with no depth or strength and when those winds come.....conk on the ground the tree is gonna go! I DO NOT want that! Oh never, ever, ever, in all my born days!

At my Bible Study last night we were talking about this whole idea of judgment, pleasing man, holding back who we really are for fear of man, being who God made you to be and being free in the Lord. We were able to tie EVERY one of those into to Debbie's life and use her life as an example to us! I mean to tell you I was pumped! I still am and I don't have any desire to loose that "pumped-up" attitude!!!! This is what I mean.

For the past few months I have felt kind of like I have been in a a mold in life. Stuck in a coffin Spiritual. Chained. What do I mean? I am the type of person that could care less what other people think about my vibrate love for God and my freedom to be what I feel God saying I can be! But then somehow I became to worry to much about what will other people think if I run up and squeeze their neck and say, "Man, isn't God good!" What will so-and-so think if I go up to that girl, that frankly looks like she just left a gang off the streets of New York, and love her with Christ's love and build a relationship with her in Christ? I would be judged! Truthfully and honestly people have a judgemental attitude and they can't help it! It is natural. I want to love others and I want them to love me but if I am not myself and am constantly holding back or given a little extra or whatever I have to do to make them love me for fear of making them upset or cut me down, then I am NOT loving with the love of Christ! I am robbing myself! Debbie was never like that! She loved EVERYONE and she showed it! I don't care who you were or what you had done or what you were doing, she never saw any of that! She saw what God saw! A human that needs God's love! Not judgement! Not to be shunned! Not to be preached at or stuffed with Scripture verses! Just pure, godly, smiling, blazing love!!! Why do we not give it!

Look at Jesus, for crying out loud! He sat with the sinfulest of men! He let a prostitute kiss and wash his feet with her hair, just begging for forgiveness, for life, for love!!!! He didn't look at her and think, "Oh my stars, what is she wearing!" Goodness no! You have got to be kidding me! I don't know about you but I just want to inhale God with every breath I take and I want to exhale him with every word I speak! I want to touch others with God's touch! NOT my own! My own strength is in vain as I worry about what this person might think or what they might do! I am literally wasting my time if I am living and loving in my own strength! I might as well just sit in a chair and not do nothing for a whole year!

It was like Debbie's son said, "There was not one person that didn't love Mom." Will that be said of me at my funeral? Will people be inspired by seeing God in my life, like they saw in Debbie's? Will I have made myself one of the Devil's worst nightmare's! Will have had made him tuck is tail and run like mad to get away from me? Will I have made him sorry for ever messing with me?

I just want to love with the love of God and be myself! That may offend some people but that they are going to have to take up with the Lord if they don't like it because I am going to be blazing Him so much that they are going to be blinded my his glory! Jeremiah 23:29 says, "Is not my Word like fire, declares the Lord." If God's Word is like fire and I am inhaling it, whew people better look out because I am going to exhale God and people are going to burn in Him!!!! Talk about getting Satan off your back! Satan may have struck a person down a million times over again but they will NEVER be destroyed and that is what I am going to stand on! God's mindset towards every soul in this world! We as God's children have so much power and we just sit and waste it because we don't think we have the energy to use it!! What a fool we are to think that! What strongholds Satan has! That is blubber bluff!!!! You will NEVER make me believe that! NEVER!

For we preach NOT ourselves but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves are His servants! For God is the one who commanded the light to shine out in the darkness and to give the light and knowledge of the GLORY OF GOD in the face of Jesus Christ that shines through us!!!! We have a treasure inside this earthly vessel, that the excellency of the power of God may be OF GOD NOT OF US!!! We are troubled on every side but NOT distressed, perplexed but NOT in despair, persecuted but NOT forsaken, cast down but NOT DESTROYED!!!!" (2 Cor. 4:5-9)

April 27-29, 2007 Happy Birthday to Sam in Oklahoma! Yea, we had a lot of fun! He came to the Cole house Friday night and I fixed him a birthday dinner and later I snuck out in the dark while he was playing a game with the kids (we had it planned out) and decorated his truck! :) He was surprised the next morning when he finally saw it!



Saturday we went to Incredible Pizza and did something TOTALLY CRAZY on his 20th birthday! Yea, everyone should do that! We had a crazy time riding go-carts, dancing on the dance machine (I stunk at that but it was a blast), etc.

Sam won these bracelets with the games he won so we decided to put them to good use! :)

Sunday after church we went over to his families house and had cake and ice cream. 20 years old. He is over one hill! :) The next is 40! lol :) Except that one is GOING to be far off! It has to be because I want to spend those 20 years good and long and wonderful with him first! :) Love you Samuel Wesley!!!!