Me...having a "down day" and wants to go hide in a cave and be non-existent for a bit.

Tired with life. Tired of worrying about so much. Tired of always trying to be perky, upbeat and positive about what is going. Tired with trying to figure things out. Tired with messing up. Tired of offending people. Tired with Texas. Tired of missing OK. Tired with...well pretty much everything at the moment and just wants to be...left alone!

We all have these days I guess. Why do we humans have to be so...human like! :P

Psalm 37:7
"Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him."

24 Weeks and counting!

Well, I just got back from my water aerobics class at the Y and am once again surprised at how hungry, sleepy and yet good I feel! This is my second time to go and I am really enjoying it! My midwife suggested I get a Y membership instead of continuing Curves right now so I don't overdue it physically which I often have a tendency of doing anyways and being pregnant, especially with twins, that spells trouble! :) So, I am going to Pilates/Yoga and Water Aerobics and sticking to walking the track every now and then.

I wanted to do a baby update because I have frankly been putting it off with so many mixed emotions once again rolling through me I wasn't sure I wanted too. But we do need prayer and I know that there are so many that are praying for us! So.....here is what is new.

Last Wednesday we went with our midwife to a Denton to have a visit with a doctor there and what we thought was going to be another sonogram telling us exactly what is going on inside me. All the little details midwifes need to know......you know. :) Well, the sonogram was deemed unnecessary until 30 weeks which is the week of Thanksgiving so we rescheduled that. We fell in love with Dr. Cummings who turned out to be a strong Christian (it really showed) and is very encouraging and all for natural birth. He said with me having being pregnant with twins I have a bright red sticky note on my forehead that reads c-section no matter where you went for delivery but he does not agree with that! He was very supportive of having a home birth if that is what the Lord gave us the peace to do. His only concern was for Baby B who is Breach and since they do not know at this point all the details of the babies and their individual membranes Baby B would be on a time limit once Baby A has come out. He said we have a 70% chance that he will naturally just follow his older brother right out with no problems but there is always a chance he will get stuck or decide to just stretch out and camp out for a bit and IF there really is a time clock ticking that isn't good. He said he would be behind our decision and if something DID go wrong he believes there would be enough time between babies coming for us to get to him and he would be able to help without c-section. You can certainly tell he has been doing this a long time and that he had complete confidence in having this birth naturally.

Of course our biggest problem with having them in the hospital or with something going wrong would be the hospital bills since insurance companies all consider a twin birth a pre-existing condition at this time, of course. So we would be self-pay. That can strike up worry in my heart and takes a lot of trust to believe that God would provide for an emergancy situation even though I KNOW that He would. Twins are expensive little bundles of joy is all I've got to say! *grins*

So as of now that peace about still having a home birth is completely there. Our midwife is going to have three assistants with her now to help and it is nice to know we have plans if there is a chance that something does go wrong. Since all the hospitals around here are more than hostile to natural births, home births and midwifes we would pretty much have no choice but to go to Denton if something did go wrong. It isn't like the hospitals here would turn us away but we would get bashed to high heavens, our midwife for sure! Stupid and unfair and wrong but the way it is! (One more reason for me to like Oklahoma!!!!! There would be so many more options there at least! :P *laugh* )

So continue to pray for us that we would have clear direction from the Lord as the birth approaches and that He will continue to provide financially. That I will be able to release my expectations for this birth and trust Him with every detail. To know that He will give me the strength and courage I need EXACTLY when I need it and not before and that I will rest in Him even now!

Well, life has been crazy with so much happening and going on! We have officially sold my Mustang. :( Mixed emotions there! So, I was without a vehicle. But after this last weekend we were supposed to be picking up our new car from Sam's brother guy but it wasn't quite ready yet so Guy sent us back to Texas with one of their cars to use for two weeks until they can bring down our car! Looks like we're going to have a white Toyota Camry as my new mommy car! :) lolSam had a business trip last week so he was gone from Wed.-Sat. night so I went to OK and hung out with my family! We had a blast of course. Doing creative memories, playing games, watching Christmas movies (gotta do that since I am not going to get to come up for Christmas now) and shopping until we dropped! :D I picked Sam up a the OKC airport around midnight Sat. night and we stayed the night at his Mom's!

We are human. Sometimes we get down, discouraged, overwhelmed, or just extra busy. Sometimes we feel backslidden, away from God, unlovable, and useless. There are days when we simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing seems right with the world.

I admit, that sometimes I go to the Bible just needing a hug from God. Can you relate? I don't look for how I can improve, what I am doing wrong, or what needs to change in my life; I just want to feel loved and to find the acceptance I need! God never tires of speaking to my heart, reminding me yet again that He cares and that He'll always be there for me. When I feel like I need a hug from the Lord, the first place I run is Psalm 139.

"O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me."

Jehovah God, Ruler of the universe, has taken the time to know me! He studied me until He knew every minute detail about me- even more than I know about myself!

Verse 2, "Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off."

He watches me all night long. He knows when I fall asleep and when I awake. He knows my best day and my worst day. And (I love this!) He understands every thought I think! Wow! I don't even understand myself over half the time. I have wild, emotional thoughts and, sometimes, rational thoughts. He understands each one.

Verse 3, "Thou compasest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways."

I think of this verse like a bodyguard or secret service agent clearing the way for someone, making sure it is safe ahead of time. God always goes before me and knows what is ahead in my life. I am completely safe in His care even if I don't think so sometimes. Also, He knows all my habits, all my quirky idiosyncrasies. He knows every detail of what makes me unique. He thoroughly understands me, inside and out.

Verse 4, "For there is not a word in my tongue, but lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether."

I picture in my mind Jesus Christ sitting next to me on the couch, focused on me, saying to me, "Tell Me everything." He knows every word I say. His attention never leaves me. He is "dialed in" to my conversation and feels that what I have to say is interesting and important. He does not want me to stop talking until I have shared my entire heart.

Verse 5, "Thou hast beset me behind and before and hast laid thine hand upon me."

I liken this verse to a father walking down a path with his young daughter. He walks next to her, his hand on her shoulder, gently guiding her. The Lord never takes His hand off my shoulder. He is always guiding my path; even when I feel that I might be going astray, His hand is still there.

I think the greatest verses in this chapter are verses 17 and 18. After all, if Jesus knows me that well, if He sees me all the time, if He hears everything I say, if He knows everything I think, and if He knows all my bad habits, wouldn't He be disgusted by me? Wouldn't He think ill of me? Wouldn't He be disappointed in me? Understanding me the way He does, how does He feel about me?

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."

He's crazy about me! His thoughts toward me are precious, priceless. He thinks about me so much I cannot even count the number of thoughts He has about me!

He loves me!!!

As I awake in the morning, He's there to say,"Good morning. I've been watching you sleep and thinking about you all night." God is not mad at me. He is not disappointed in me. He loves me so personally it is indescribable!

Let's hold our heads high today with the knowledge of being loved so greatly by such a wonderful God! He's thinking about you right now- and He's smiling!!!

Last weekend Sam and I had a wonderful time on our 3 night camping trip at PK Lake! It was perfect weather, we had the perfect camping spot and we had the perfect company! :) We were right smack on the lake with sandy beaches and a beautiful view. We went hiking, built sandcastles :), sat on the dock....it really was perfect and Sam admitted that the whole time we were there he actually forgot about work for a change! That alone made me extremely happy because he NEEDED that break if nothing else!


Our camping spot! We barely got set up Thurs. night before it became pitch dark.



There were butterflies flying around you everywhere you went it seemed like on the hiking trails!








Far off view of Hell's Gate. A famous rock gateway right in the middle of the lake that PK has a legend for.


There is something about men and their getting to chop wood! LOL

Okay so we had this stump we took from our backyard that has been sitting for months because it is too big for the Ft. Worth trash men to take. So, Sam took it and burnt it alive! Yes! :) It sure boosted our fire for sure that night! :)








Some of my favorites with the umbrella!



Sam had the idea of creating a sand cabin. LOL Saturday was the warmest day and we even got a little sun! The cool breeze is what made it paradise though the water was freezing and there were actually some kids swimming!!! Crazy! :)


On Sunday after we packed up and headed back fro home we drove around part of the lake and hiked to the top of one of the cliffs of Hell's Gate! It was spectacular! Quite a big drop down for sure! :D










The lake dam....named after us just spelled differently! :D