Yesterday all day I was feeling like something was really going on down below with the twins. I was having back pain like crazy it wasn't slacking much and things were getting more than a little uncomfortable. (It is quite painful to have babies in your ribs!) I noticed that there was a ton of baby movement and it was starting to hurt to even move in bed due to everything feeling like mush and being so weak.

We called our midwife about the middle of the afternoon and she had me take some contractease and a hot bath and see how things went. Well, it didn't slacken anything one bit after I got out and by midnight we called her again. She said to start keeping track of times and trying to identify the exact pain and where contraction were hitting me, take some more stuff to try to relax and stop things and keep up the hot baths. The rest of the night was pretty miserable and neither one of us got much sleep. I would get an extreme back contraction that would wake me up and I would be waking Sam up with, "I need pressure. No, here!!! Harder!" Poor guy. :) I would look at the clock and note the time and then after the pain would subside I always seemed to dose off because I was so tired and then realize I had done so when another contraction would awake me again. Another thing was I noticed on two different occasions that I had lost part of my mucus plug. So around 9:00 this morning we called Judith once more and she headed over to check me out and see what exactly was going on and where I was headed I guess.

She found I had dilated to a 1 which isn't bad I suppose if things will stay that way and don't continue to proceed. So, now the wait and prayer is on. She can not deliver at home before next Sat. (being 36 weeks) meaning we will be going to the hospital if things continue. Something none of us wish for at all. The babies are healthy weight, being both over 5 lbs, so the only concern would still be their breathing.

We are begging everyone to pray that the contractions will stop and dilation will not continue! We really want to be able to have these boys at home and the only thing stopping that would be 6 days! We have got to make it until Saturday! Pray for peace too. I am doing my best to realize that God IS in complete control and He DOES know what He is doing and what will be best for us even if we don't think it would be and He WILL provide if we do have to deliver in a (by me) much dreaded hospital room! :)

I have been dwelling a lot on a couple of verses latly preparing myself for the soon coming birth of our twins. I have very quickly learned that you can not make yourself be at peace and relax and not worry about things on your own! The Lord HAS to be the one to do that and He truly has! But of course there are still times when my brain and emotions rise up with fears or worries or tears of "How?" or "Why?" and I have to come back to Him again and open my hand to let go of them and trust Him once more. Seems like I do that more than I do anything and yet He is always there with that loving embrace of positive love, joy and strength. "Though wilt keep him in perfect peace whos mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusted in Thee. So, trust in the Lord commit yourself to him, lean on Him and hope confidently in Him forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock." Isaiah 26:3-4

So, as I am on bed rest and thinking about my precious babies to come, at anytime between now and January 31st, I have to continue to trust that the Lord will give me the strength I need in His appointed time when He wants these boys to be born. I know they will not come a min. before He wants them here or a min. after and I know that I will be able to do it when the time does come! "There is an appointed time for everything and there is a time for every event under heaven - a time to give birth...He has made everything appropriate in its time..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,11

She wanted to ease into parenthood slowly like slipping on a new suit. Choosing the size and the season. Adjusting the shoulders letting out the seams as needed here or there, getting used to the fit.

But the Dressmaker had other plans!

Something bold and daring and quite a show-stopper! A head-turner and a drastic change in style and in size! Nothing was of her own choosing. She knew it full well the minute the technician said: Twins!!!

A friend sent this e-mail to me and I thought it was a wonderful quote I want to keep always and constant on my mind as each day starts passing me by faster and faster!

"When your baby is up every hour to feed during the night, this too shall pass. You're your child sleeps in bed with you and you are concerned they will never leave your bed, this too shall pass. When you start solids and they spit out more than they keep down, This too shall pass. When potty training and your son decides it is much more fun to pee in the back of his trucks than the toilet, this too shall pass. When your daughter screams every time you leave her with someone else, this too shall pass. When all day long the volume of your house is at a 10 and it seems it will never be quiet again, this too shall pass. Before you know it they will be moving out and possibly off to college and these things will be a distant memory.

This got me thinking about just how quickly time is passing, and what I am doing with this time to make it matter in the long run. I was reading a book by another mom of young children and she was expressing the same feeling about how she doesn't want to look back over her life and say "what happened"?"Where did the time go"? I was even thinking on a smaller scale what have I done this year that really matters, what about this month, this day? What are my priorities and am I doing any of them?

One of my main priorities is to show my children what a passionate relationship with God looks like and to encourage their spiritual growth. What have I done today, this week,this month, to work towards this goal? What I am afraid of is that this year too will pass with all my time and focus spent on just functioning in the laundry, dishes, laundry, make lunch, dishes, clean up toys, make dinner, dishes, never ending cycle of life and I will miss what really matters. Personally I am going to try focusing at the beginning of each day on what my priorities are and what I can do towards them. In my busy busy life there is not much time, but there are things I can do . For me just realizing what my main priorities are and thinking about them helps a lot.Then daily doing something towards that goal.. Maybe it is as simple as praying for my kids. Or when we see something beautiful or complex,mentioning to my kids what an amazing creator God is. Or when something crazy is going on in my house taking a minute in the craziness to sit down and pray in the midst of it asking for peace and patience.

So that is it, my nugget of wisdom, "this too shall pass" it is something that has been told to me many times by wise older moms and grandmothers and something I hope to convey to other moms in the business of life with children. But also something to keep in mind myself as time passes quickly to make the most of it."

~Lorene Foster~

Today Sam and I went to Hurst/Bedford for another sonogram at 34 weeks. It was the first time in 5 days for me to even really get off the bed and stay for awhile and to get out of the house. It felt wonderful minus the walking! :)

All went well at the sonogram though and all looks well! Miracles of all miracles Baby B somehow in the last few days has somersaulted to head-down as well! So looks like they may be fighting to see which baby will come out first since they are both head down now! A VERY good thing! I think it is amazing simply because there is ABSOLUTELY NO room in there and she said both babies are over 5 lbs each now! Whew, I hope I DON'T go full term!

It is amazing to me that I am carrying almost 11 lbs of baby plus everything else! No wonder I feel like the babies are going to fall out when I stand and walk! LOL I walk around with my hand underneath my tummy! :) So, our midwife told me I could take a little outing tomorrow maybe to the park or out to eat but no long walking or standing! I am excited about that! I'm hoping to get to go shopping with Sam even though I will be sitting in the car! I get to get out! :D lol Then she said stay in and down again for another few days and then maybe I will be able to do another bit more activity for Christmas!

So, we grabbed some pictures while I was up and looked....well, not like a drowned mouse like normal anyways! LOL :D

What do I have to say about days these days. Well, not much! It is hard being down around Christmastime though! I can not believe that it is only a week away! Funny, I was so very excited about Christmas coming and had all these big plans for our Christmas dinner and breakfast and fun...well, I guess they all kinda went down the drain a little bit, eh? I have NO right to complain about being on bed rest! I could have been put down a long time before now and a lot of woman are on bed rest their whole pregnancy so I should be grateful! Which I am but yes, it is still hard!

Last night about 1:30 am sharp contractions started in my low left side of my back. After having 4 ro 5 it didn't take much for us to call our midwife and she was on her way. A hot bath and some contractease swallowed down and and the contractions subsided.

It seems that Baby A (head-down baby which would be Caiden) decided it was time for him to drop so his moving down started the contractions on the left side which is the side he is on. Judith was able to feel his head and said he is floating between a minus 1-minus 2 which would be right before engaged/dilation. The cervix is soft but not the softness that it would be at for labor and was about 60% effaced.

So I guess at a little over 33 weeks they must be ready to get out and see Daddy! We are supposed to go this week sometime with Judith for a sonogram. They should be at about 4 pounds each by now.

At this point not knowing what will start contractions again or actual labor and they really need to stay in another 3 weeks at least we are taking all caution and simply putting me down for at least until then. This week I am to stay down and take it super easy not doing anything other than taking my frequent trips to the restroom and taking a hot shower or bath. So I get to stay camped out on the couch or in bed one. Then we'll see how the days go after this week and maybe I can get up and do a LITTLE more.

So, my darlin' man is going to be my darlin' servant now! :) He actually did a really good job cooking breakfast with Judith this morning. He is at the store right now with a shopping list from Judith. My iron was really low so she is doubling me up on my chlorophyll and Sam has to start juicing me beets and carrots! Oh boy..... (uncertain smile) :D He is going to be able to work from home all day tomorrow to see how things are going to work out and make sure I have everything I need and then I think it will be pretty flexible with him being able to go hack and forth working from home and the office which I am so very grateful for!

As for our emotions and what is flying through our heads right now I am not all that sure! LOL I know it opened both our eyes to the fact that time has come and that they could be here at any moment if the Lord saw fit! Truthfully we are both in really good spirits and the Lord has given me tremendous peace for sure. I always thought if something happened early like this I would be all finicky and scared out of my wits but the Lord has obviously stepped in and taken care of that! See, he DOES give us what we need JUST when we need it!

So at this point our prayer request would be that I wouldn't have anymore contractions or that if I do we will b e able to stop them again. Also another specific prayer request, Judith was saying, is that my water will not break. Obviously that would mean they are coming and they need to hold off awhile yet! Keep praying that Sam and I will stay calm and at rest with what is going on and with what the Lord sees fit to do!

So people judge you when you're "courting/dating" because....oooooooh you're talking for hours on the phone while living in separate states. You're judged by some when you get engaged if you hold hands or hug or sit with your arm around one another or kiss their cheek (heaven forbid!!!!). Finally the wedding.....oh boy. You have the issue with the dress you pick out for yourself. The dresses for the bridesmaids are of course an issue so you do your best to meet in the middle of what you dream of and what some will ONLY wear. Then OH MY GOODNESS you are doing a father daughter dance and a bride groom dance! You are downright frowned on by some and even cut down verbally. Music at the wedding....we won't even go there.

.....deep breath....

So honeymoon. Some people are appalled at your choice of vacationing spot with your new love. Do not dare show some people pictures either! A couple weeks after the wedding e-mails from some preaching to you about how "we are to be fruitful and multiply and they hope we aren't doing anything to stop from having children"! (Well, excuse me.) Then others declare to me how dare I go out from under my husbands authority by looking for work outside the home!!! Three months after the wedding you tell you are expecting! Then you get people going, "Heavens, that was way too fast and they are way to young! They should have waiting a little longer." What! Or you just get these endless and heart exhausting jokes thrown at you about how you are really getting with it and you are going to way outpass so and so if you keep this up and well I guess this is the start of your dozens to come. ANNOYING FOLKS! After you pick names for your coming blessing(s) you are then ridiculed or given advice to about those names in ways you never would think possible! Spelling is bad, name is feminine, name is too cutsie, names are too uniform...... Talk about ruining a child's name for their once VERY excited parents!!!!

After all, they say, we ARE just youngsters and don't REALLY know what we are doing, right? How can we be possible be entrusted by God with these two little boys and truly be responsible enough for them or prepare properly for them, right?

I start to wonder if it will always be like this! I can't help but shed a tear or two and feel my heart sink as I look back on the past three or so years of Sam and I's life and then I look at the future and shiver! Lord, please oh please help me.....help us, is all I can seem to say! Or maybe you could just come back and we can all live in peace and harmony finally FOREVER!!! :) Oh what a day that will be!

I don't know what God has up his sleeve for us! I still have no earthly idea why he has chosen Sam and I to raise Caiden and Conner. (YES, Caiden and Conner! *big smile*) LOL I do not know a lot of things people, but God DOES know and you and I are NOT GOD! So, can we all (INCLUDING MYSELF) please don't act like we are so much! It hurts others so VERY VERY badly!!!! Lets all just come to grips with the fact we are all at different levels in life spiritually and physically and lets not frown on others over something JUST because we ourselves don't like something about them!!! :D

So, Sam and I thought we would share the meanings of the names for our little men on the way! Why we like the names we have chosen and why we feel like they will give our boys a strong foundation for life itself and for their relationship with God!!


It is our prayer that our boys live up to the great meanings of their names and that the Lord will give us the wisdom we need to lead them in the right direction towards Him and in Him! It IS a great thing the Lord has asked us to do here in raising these two rapidly growing inside me and it is not to be taken lightly we know! We are but weak sinners and the Lord is going t0 have to be there every step of the way for us as He already has been in our lives and we are leaning solely and strongly on Him for our help!

So this morning I got this great urge to get up at 6:00 when Sam tries to get up for work, something I haven't done but a very few times since I got pregnant actually. I wasn't feeling so tired so I enjoyed getting up when it was still dark and taking a hot shower, making the bed and fixing a big pancake breakfast (something else I haven't done in months)! :)

It was fun for Sam to see my morning eating ritual with all my prenatal vit. *grins* First I have three chewable vit. C that is simple. Then with my meal I have a small glass of grape juice I gulp down that hides my liquid chlorophyll and liquid source of life (green slime I have talked about before). I also have my choc. whey protein drink I have to get down consisting of protein powder, milk, banana, peanut butter and my iron vit. crushed and mixed in! :) The protein drink makes me extremely full and I usually can't get much breakfast down (one pancake barely this morning).

So I thought I would do good with the early rising but after I laid back down on the bed about 7:30 when he headed out I was sound asleep again before I knew it and slept for another 3 hours! So, I guess I was more tired than I thought! Better than taking a nap this afternoon I guess! I am doing some cleaning today and maybe make some cookies! My family will be here tomorrow for the whole weekend! :) We're going to celebrate Christmas with them and Sat. my brother Nathan is coming over from Dallas to celebrate his birthday. They are going to help me make more of my Christmas goodies and such which I absolutely love the idea of and since they are getting a hotel less than 1/2 a mile away with an indoor pool and hot tub we are planning on hanging out there some at nights with them prob! :D It shall be a blast! Can hardly wait.

Oh I LOVE Christmas!

So yesterday I took EXTRA care to stay off my feet trying my VERY best to keep the swelling down so I could get into some kind of shoes, besides my nice fancy black house shoes I've been wearing everywhere, so I could look nice for our Ann. date! :) It worked! I was able to get my boots on! *laughter* Of course when we got home they were screaming to come off but it wasn't at all as bad as I thought it might be! :)

Sam and I celebrate 9 months of marriage today! Tis very hard to believe as normal! 3/4ths of a year already! :)

Julie came down to visit me a couple of days last week and we had a very good time! She helped me tackle some of my Christmas candy making, went shopping at the mall and took pictures at the botanical gardens, sat and talked and watched movies and....well, it was wonderful to have a good friend to pass some of my time with! Thanks for coming my dear! :D It made me miss so many others I love in OK though and made me wish they could come down and see me too! :)