I am amazed at how emotionally and mentally draining you get when you are physically tired. Today the boys were up early, grumpy, teething and clinging to Mommy. Conner especially would NOT let me set him down for more than a few seconds and even then I had to be within his sights. Middle of the morning Caiden started acting the same way. Feeding them lunch was like pulling teeth. They were fussy and blowing carrots and fruit everywhere. *crooked smile* (It wasn't funny at the time but it kinda is now.) Resulting in extreme frustration on my part and it took twice as long to feed them. They feel asleep in my arms and I was able to lay them down and longed to crash for a nap but it was lunchtime and Sam was on his way home a few min. after they were down. I did end up laying down for a little bit but actually felt worse when I got up than I did before.

Conner slept about a hour and he was wide awake. Caiden slept around two hours. I think Conner's first tooth will completely pop through before Caiden's. Conners poor little gums are swollen and the lil' white rough tooth is pushing through making the gum clear....he likes it when I rub his gum with my thumb. :) I can't hardly believe it! They are growing up to fast!

Conner was Mommy's close partner until Caiden woke up and then we tried....tried to play on the floor until 3 when they eat. They crashed again soon after that for another hour or so. Relief on my part.

The weekend went fast as usual. Saturday we spent a lot of time outside. We found the boys love being in their playpen outside which is perfect since they get so tired of sitting in their stroller. It was a perfect day for swimming!

We found Caiden somehow scootched under the playpen and couldn't seem to be able to get back out again.

So, the day has come to a close. Sam and I have some things to work on, on the computer and some bookwork to do. I want to just go to bed and get ready to face another day. :) lol

OH! This was a project over the weekend I did. I calligraphied a new verse for the wall entry way.

This morning I discovered Caiden had figured out how to play with his diaper I guess and had managed to pick off the velcro tabs that hold the diaper on. I don't think he liked the diaper barely still on because his whines are what brought me to see what the fuss was. I am hoping it was an accidental thing he won't remember how to do! *laughter* Joy, joy, joy! :D

These past couple days have been an eye sore for me! Truly have since my left eye has had something extremely wrong with it and it is just last night starting to feel a little better. My bottom eye lid has been sensitive, reddish, swollen and quite painfully uncomfortable so much so that every time I would blink I was reminded of it. Can't put my finger on what it is.....a bite, BIG time crooked eyelashes?....but hopefully it will completely go away sooner than later!

Yesterday we had a fun...busy day. Sam was able to go in to work a little later so we could go to Lawton to get our drivers license finally transferred back to OK. It took up most of the morning and the boys were grumpy because we left early and messed up their sleeping schedule. They had a bit of a weird and messed up day because of that too. Sam came home for lunch as usual and for some reason had felt like going shopping for me! He had gone and found the cutest brown summer dress that he had purchased on sale and brought home to surprise me with! :D Yea, it felt pretty special and it was the perfect dress when I tried it on! Can't wait to sport it off and brag on who bought it for me! :D He's the best! What can I say! We were feeling spontaneous and like we wanted to get out and do something after he got home in the evening so we loaded up the boys and started driving. Ended up at the library and then walking around the only store we have Wal-mart just for the fun of it! :D lol We do have a "mall" but the funny thing is...we have been told it is more of a "shopping center". All the stores we did notice were on the outside and well frankly they aren't mall store if you know what I mean. We'll have to make the 30 min. drive to Lawton if we want to walk the mall, I guess! :D lol We finally ended up back at home feeding and putting the boys to bed and then curling up on the couch with out Sonic drinks and a movie just the two of us. Days like these are so wonderful. Makes you feel like life couldn't get much better than this! :)

Tonight I think we decided we were going photography shooting. Yea, I am fresh outta pictures again and yea that feels miserable to me as always. duh! It will probably end up in me doing the posing again, sadly since I am the photography who LOVES taking the pictures, and Sam playing around with the settings on the camera and me giving direction for angles and closeness and natural lighting affect ideas. :) That is okay though...I guess. We have fun together doing it! The boys will end up sitting in their stroller or car seats watching with the curious expression of...interesting....

Today...just fed the boys so fixing to go down for their nap, Sam should be home soon for lunch, several big loads of laundry to do today, kitchen and dining room floor to clean, boys will wake up and play and have their afternoon "snack" :), we might swim or something sometime who knows, start super while boys take a little nap, Sam home....and who knows what all else I will find to do in between all that. I somehow always find little to-dos or projects to do here and there throughout the day.

Today Sam and I were whining over how badly we wish we could completely start over from the beginning with our relationship. All the way back to where we were courting. Wishing that we had not let so many people control our relationship. There are so many things people blue booked as the way to do things and we wish we had not let others dictate our relationship so much. Yes you have to stay under authority and heed others wisdom and advice but I think people saw us as so young they thought we would need to be protected and "watched over" more than if we were "older". The pain it caused is still seared in ugly and hurtful scars on us and on our relationship and it is SO hard to let those be turned into something beautiful by God. It is so hard not to nurse those scars yourself and cry tears of anger, bitterness and pity on them.

Sam and I are having a REALLY rough time this past week over some different things that have finally been re-opened up between us in our relationship and it is despairing to know that our relationship is not what it could be because of things that happened before we were even engaged! The pressure, the hurtful words, the judgmental directions, the chains of restriction. We want so badly to be able to get to know one another all over again. Get to spend more time with each other and to have had more dates together. To have not worried about what so-and-so was thinking because we were holding hands for heaven's sake or because we were sitting in a room alone having a deep conversation for once. To have been able to open up our feelings more and not try to block the attraction that was told not to blossom yet. When we look back on the first few months of our marriage and all the unnecessary things we had to work through because of OTHERS it is quite discouraging and hurtful and the fact that we are STILL working through some hurts even more!

I think Sam has had the harder time of things. Not having a Dad to have guided him I think was extremely hard. He had no clue what he was doing and the advice he was getting he sees know was not only hurtful but too protective and unknowingly damaging to his leadership and his strength as a man. You would think that a year of being engaged would be good for a couple. We are here to say NOT NECESSARILY! I have had SO many people tell me that they admire us and that they are going to have their children have a long engagement etc....and I want to SCREAM NO! Don't you dare! It most certainly is NOT for everyone! That year of engagement was the hardest and most unnecessary thing that we ever did and yes that is one thing we would change for sure. True we did learn from it and such but we still wonder if that was what the Lord's first choice for us was. We did that mainly out of consideration for some others and some things that were happening that year and Sam was told he wasn't ready and of course he was so baffled and in love he took that advice because HE didn't know what to do and was kinda at the point where he felt like he had to follow everyone else's "wisdom". Maybe it all boils down to, we should have taken EVERYTHING to the Lord and went through Him and let Him work in peoples hearts more than we did. Instead of stewing and boiling over it letting Him do that. Instead of giving up and just walking where we were told we should have let it all go through Him and walked where we felt like He was telling us too and let Him do the heart changing!

We have so many scars of others judging and the pressure of all eyes on you can really wear you down! I TRULY believe that Satan trains battalions of demons to whisper one question in our ears: "What are people thinking of you." ....and OH MY GOSH how that one question can start you on a twister of a downhill road that lands you in discouragement, depression, feeling like you are a bad person, and the desire to disappear entirely.

I truly do not understand these people that absolutely blantly overlook what God is doing in and through someones life and the glory He is receiving and says, " I don't think that is what you are supposed to do. That isn't what I think God says you should do. What you are doing is below our standards and we are going to confront you on that. I do not think that is a good example and that isn't at all what I thought you would do. We are going to have to leave if you do that or wear that or listen to that or go there or see that or like this!" AHHHHH!

Legalism spells M-I-S-E-R-Y

Why do we do it to others? Why do we cause them pain and sorrow when we should be looking in the mirror instead? I just don't understand it! I will never understand it! I simply can not WAIT until we get to heaven and be put to shame by all the things we judged others for and all the things we thought we were right about and they were wrong about! Ministries are judged even though the Lord is using them in hugely mighty ways, relationships are judged even though God is the center of them and He is guiding that relationship, teenagers are judges despite the fact God just used their youth group to bring people to salvation in Him....I could go on and on but what is the point! We all know it is true....we all know what we judge and that it is wrong.

WE know...what do we do about it?

Do we choose to be brothers and sisters despite our differences? Or is there a wall up of awkwardness and an "I have to be nice to you attitude" that sends out hurt so that you might as well have simply shunned that person. It feels the same.

All I know is I have found out REALLY FAST that the people that look like they are the least to be leading an incredibly amazing God filled life and are most usually the ones who will shock you with their love and passion and close intimacy with the Lord when you stop avoiding them long enough to see Christ shining through. We should NEVER shoot down ANYONE until we have overlooked our differences to see what the Lord is doing in and through them. We will MADLY regret it if we don't. If not now...in eternity.

For Father's Day the "boy's" made Daddy this cut pop-up card (they had some help of course) and we made him a t-shirt from them too! :D We put their hand prints on it with their names and painted #1 Dad above them. He really liked it a lot.

For dinner we made him chicken sandwiches, baked fries and lemon tarts and lemon pie for desert. He is a big fan of lemon so I thought I would try something new for him and hoped it turned out! Anyone that likes lemon has GOT to try the tarts! Very delectable!

The chicken sandwiches were a bang this time too! I tried putting some pickle juice in the skillet with the oil to fry the chicken in and I think it added some Chick-fil-a flavor too it! I made the batter spicy with red pepper and seasoning salt and I wrapped the chicken in bacon when it was done. Absolutely country yumm! :) The baked fries.....WELL THOSE are a must in every household too! Deliciousmous! :) That was a recipe I took from my mom a while back actually! :) I make them at least once times a week to go with our meals!

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We went to Sonic for happy hour OF COURSE and the boys are already big fans of that time of day and we drove around lake hunting and figuring out more of the town. Mainly I was looking for ideal photography spots, which I founds some absolutely awesome ones I am totally excited about and can't wait to use and try out!

Playing outside that afternoon!

After the boys went to bed at 8 we went swimming since I didn't want to have to give the boys a bath that night we waited to go without them! :D It is quite fun what you can come up with to do adventurous in a little pool! It's actually a blast to run and jump in all different ways for some reason! :) LOL

Sam actually has amazed me how wonderful a new Daddy he is. I am blown out of the water at how great a job he does whether he thinks so or not! He is the biggest help a wife could ever ask for and I think those little mistakes he makes only make him better of a Dad! He is extremely more patient than most people I know. He doesn't mind changing dirty diapers or shoveling food in their mouths and trying to ignore the carrot and banana spit they sometimes shower him with. :) Every morning he gets up a little earlier to get ready for work so he can feed the boys and spend time with them and I can get a little extra sleep! What guy would do that!!! He loves his boys so deeply and for a man who lost his Dad at 8 years old, Sam has proved to be an incredible Dad without that influence or roll modal in his life and I KNOW that can't possibly be easy not having that strong male man there raising you even though his older brothers were there....that isn't your Dad! Sam has been through tough struggles and hard times and still does today from not having that loving earthly Father there as he grew up yet he still pushes on and does his best and looks to His Heavenly Father for help. Sam is a one of a kind man that I am truly grateful for. I am so proud to call my husband and so glad he is Caiden and Conner's Daddy!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO THE BEST NEW DADDY OF 2009! :D We LOVE YOU!

*LAUGHTER* Love their faces here. Caiden is thinking, "I don't know what they are doing," Conner is thinking, "Aggg, squished again!" :D

Conner

Caiden

The boys at 51/2 months!

- Caiden is 19.5 lbs and is 271/2 inches long

He loves baby food carrots and so far any fruit I put to his mouth he devours. He spits out sweet potatoes and gags on rice cereal no matter what I mix in with it!

- Connor is chubby 19 lbs and is 27 inches long.

He will literally eat pretty much anything I give him. Veggies, fruit, rice cereal....the only thing he has spit back at me is peas and sweet taters.

Conner has discovered his ears and his feet. Caiden doesn't seem interested too much in that yet. Conner will bat at your mouth and grab your nose if you are talking to him and close enough. They both roll over with ease now which can be a difficulty sometimes in the middle of the night 'cause then they are awake and want to play and talk and fuss because they don't want to be alone in the dark just right then. Caiden can get up on his knees and hands already and I just know it won't be much longer until he pushes completely up and starts crawling around. Already they scooch to get their toys on the floor or if they see something they want to go check out they do their best to get there. Their curiosity is ever growing for sure.

Caiden is more curious with people and Conner is more curious with surroundings. That I have discovered. Caiden will be more likely to smile and stare at you and laugh and squeal and jibber jabber and blow slobber bubbles and make noses with his lips. :D He is the one who will cry now if he doesn't know someone and he feels like being ornery. lol Conner however is more likely too look around the room and ceiling and if you look at him and smile he often smiles but avoids your eyes and looks away. :) SO far we haven't had a problem with him being startled with an unfamiliar face like we have had Caiden do on several occasions now. :D

They are my little men! The little men of the house when Daddy is at work! They LOVE mommy! I know it. :P

My flower beds out front and back hold beautiful surprises that have been blosoming and lighting up the outdoors and the field behind our backyard is golden glory when the sun is shinning on it and the wind is blowing through! Makes you want to close yours eyes and take a deep breath when you are out there.

It's All Yours God, Yours, God

Everything is Yours.

From the stars in the sky

To the depths of the ocean floor.

And it's all Yours, God, Yours, God

Everything is Yours

You're the Maker the Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

My life is Yours, my heart is Yours

My hands are Yours and my feet are Yours

Every song that I sing

It's all Yours, all is Yours

All belongs to You

Everything is Yours!